Rock-band

this is a censored variant. click here for the full variant (available in Russian only)

This control test was used top estimate the practical experience of rock-musician beginners. Each question is worthy of 3 points max. Those who earn 66.6 points and more got access to the musical instruments and equipment. Many questions imply several answers.

First, imagine that you are playing in a rock-band. Now please select all correct answers for each question:

Can you plug both bass guitar and keyboard into one bass comb?
- yes
- no
- yes but to different plugs only
- yes but to Russian comb only
Can you use a bass guitar to smash somebody's head?
- no
- yes but holding it using a fingerboard
- yes if this somebody is a bassist
- yes if the instrument is not more expensive than 100$
What is "a barrel"?
- a girl heavier than 90 kg
- an aerobatic figure
- a volume to store beer
- a bass drum
- a remedy against dystrophy
- it's what happens to you on birthday
How should you transport a victim of infrasound?
- inside a bass speaker
- make him lie still
- as hanged upside-down
- it's no use to transport him anywhere
What should you do with a person onto who the "Delta" mix-console fell?
- nothing to do
- clear him out from mixing faders
- take him from beneath the console
- roll him up
- cut him into a new-year lacet
What should you do if you have vomited over a mix console?
- clear its front panel first
- turn the mixer off
- report that it has been done by the previous band
- nothing, because this happened with each of previous bands
Can you place a human inside a 1000W bass speaker?
- no
- yes if he is older than 70
- yes if you plan to play Death Metal
- no, because sharp bone splinters can damage a diffuser
- no, because blood-stained speaker will spoil your scenic image
Is there any sense in tuning guitar using vocals as reference?
- no
- yes if you plan to play Death Metal
- yes if your singer can sing a certain tone only
- yes but only in the dark time, on the unlit road, with external lights off
What should you do if going downstairs you see the way is blocked by two people carrying a mix-console upstairs?
- sit on this mix console and smile
- sit on this mix console and smile if these two are not from your band
- let them pass
- don't let them pass because a descending vehicle has driving priority
- creep beneath the console
What should you do if your amplifier has overheat and began to distort sound?
- continue thrash, using this amplifier as a distortion unit
- turn it off immediately
- cool it with beer
- cool it with artificial ice + acetone mixture
What should you do if spilled vodka into the cassette deck vent aperture?
- wait until it gets back sober
- turn the deck off
- turn the deck on to make it dry faster
- clean its magnetic heads
What is "a drive"?
- vehicle operating test
- disk reading or writing unit
- terrible noise from which you can isolate nothing
- guitar signal device that elongates the sustain
- guitar signal device providing the acoustic feedback
- a tool for pulling teeth
How do you call an initial phase of string sound?
- sustain
- bust
- decay
- attack
- arise
What is "a deck"?
- a second floor in omnibus
- a computer motherboard
- a signal-reading device without an amplifier
- cassette tape recorder
- a small-breasted woman
- a part of ship construction
To which song can you apply a voice of violin with two drive-distortions and one bass compressor-sustainer?
- to none of
- to grunge one
- to "Russian Lyceum's Sadistic"
- to "Alyonushka"
How do you call a device that separates its input signal into many frequency bands?
- separator
- crossover
- cross-fade
- catpiano
- equalizer
- multi-armed bandit
What is "mi"?
- a tone to tune a bass drum
- a Chinese length unit
- a tone obtained when blowing over a bottle with 1/3 volume of beer left inside
- the only quaver that a rhythmist of Slayer can play
- the knell tone in "For whom the bell tools"
- a trademark of Soviet helicopters
What is the responsibility for hanging foreign substances using strings?
- buying a new set of strings
- payment of compensation to the relatives of behanged
- fee payment, referencing as 70 kg per human at the rate of 5$/kg
Can you boil a throw-away syringe?
- yes, if no other way
- never
- yes but only in a sausage broth
- yes but only if you are the only one to use this syringe
- yes if you don't need it anymore
What are possible ways of AIDS infectioning?
- spin-relaxational
- sexual
- via food
- via musical instruments
- via blood
- via fax
- via xerox
- via network
- by reciprocal agreement
- inherently
Can you casually kill a human by digital-delay (DD) device?
- no
- yes but only by striking several times
- yes but only by striking several dozen times
- yes but a virgin only
- yes, except a virgin
- yes if DD is currently on
What should you do if your speakers produce something like "Eagle, Eagle, I'm Snake, Mayday!" during tuning?
- drink up
- hang yourself
- intake relanium
- consult a psychiatrist
- find those idiots who mess about the radio-transmitter and beat them
- increase the amplification level
Please select three or four most expensive objects:
- bass drum pedal
- 1 guitar string
- "Lel" digital-delay device
- a bottle of vodka
- a mic pod
- Jack-to-Jack stereo cable
- 2 hour hall rent
- a soul of the studio owner
- a bribe for threefold speed excess
- a syringe of kethamine
- service-tuning of a cassette deck
- 1 g of hashish
What of the following provides the longest euphoria?
- sausages with ketchup
- sudden release after a yearlong continence
- phenozepam-in-beer
- kethamine
- KCN
- aspirin-in-wine
- continuous vomiting after listening to pop music
- LSD
- tonoglutal
- playing guitar
- playing nerves
- playing in bed
- playing Unreal Tournament
What is "a double flat"?
- lowering two notes by semitone each
- lowering a note by one tonic
- an illness of both eyes of a blindman
- type of cocktail
- an aerobatic figure
- an alteration mark
- type of condominium
What can be the number 7 applied to?
- square root of the number of sons in header song by Iron Maiden, 1988
- the number of keys in Hansen's fairytale of 1987
- the number to produce a favorite word in heavy metal ballads of 80th by multiplication it by 111 with subsequent subtraction of 111
- the number of Metallica's full albums
- the number of electric guitar strings
- the number of octaves in standard MIDI keyboard
What is Helloween?
- a misspelled name of a famous rock band
- a German holiday
- an American holiday
- a holiday of all thrashers
- the same as inferno
How can you use a compressor device on the stage?
- no way to use it
- for delivery of fresh air into a singer's throat
- for delivery of fresh beer to all the others
- as a sound-processing device
- as a light-processing device
- as a device to make a faker shut up (forever)
What is "Dolby-S"?
- a trademark of infants' meal
- an algorithm of audio/video encoding
- an order for a stone-dressing convict cried in mixture of Russian and English
- noise reduction system
- signal oxidation system
- dog's food
Where hitting a barrel with your head is a normal phenomenon?
- in Gorbunov's culture center
- in a thrash song written by Tou
- in Pub Of Future
- somewhere around the drum set
- in "Lel" manufacture
- in "Nightmare on the Street of Elms" film
- on a concert where a drummer utilizes three bass drums (3rd - by his head)

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